Cover Story - Top 13 Strangest Sports Story Covers

So, at the time of writing Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 is blowing up theaters with its only major competition the quickly rising star of the boxing film Creed, a spin-off/follow-up to the Rocky franchise.  The fact that November is being essentially dominated by sports films (wasn’t there a James Bond movie this month? Does anyone remember that?) isn’t really a surprise but it does leave me in sort of a rut covers wise.  There are plenty of sports based comics, mainly from the ‘50s when superheroes didn’t dominate the medium, but they’re all pretty generic.  However, in the ‘60s when Marvel comics was born and fundamentally changed the comics landscape forever something strange started happening. 

In an attempt to compete horizontally with Marvel DC started producing stranger iterations of its ’50s comic line.  Now fundamental characters like Flash, Adam Strange, and Martian Manhunter emerged from an attempt to reintegrate superheroes into the weird science books that had been DC’s stock and trade for so long.  DC also applied this idea to the all purpose manly adventures they published like cowboys, war stories, and sports.  So, in 1963 the quasi-brand of Strange Sports Stories was born.  It didn’t last long at the time but DC has always sort of obsessed over it, even resurrecting the brand in the ‘70s and in recent years. 

This cover comes from the recent series, which actually featured stories by wrestler C.M. Punk.  This visual aesthetic is a lot more glossy and action oriented than the classic series from the ‘60s or ‘70s, which were more about crazy weirdness than the much more cool and sleek designs of the modern series.  That’s not to say it’s bad, it wouldn’t be on this list if it was bad, and of all the resurrections of a questionably quality brand from the classic era of comics this is one of the better ones compared to the modern Unknown Soldier and Haunted Tank comics. 

The cover actually reminds me a lot of Treasure Planet, which is no bad thing as far as I’m concerned.  I’m not exactly sure how the physics of this lava surfer are meant to work but by the same token I’ve never surfed on lava before so for all I know this is exactly what it looks like.  In a lot of ways covers like these are exactly what Strange Sports Stories should look like, exciting and insane if not necessarily enticing.  “lava surfing” strikes me as a much more fun thing to say than to read. 

Now this is way more in line with the classic comics.  Seriously, one of the weird things about ‘60s comics is how obsessed editors and writers were with animals but that’s a discussion for another time.  I absolutely love this cover though, specifically for the incredibly dopey visual gag of a zebra being a referee because the only reason he’s filling that role is because they’re two things with black stripes.  I like to assume that’s the in-comic reason for why the Zebra is refereeing this game, simply because he had black and white stripes so the league were like “yes, you have all the necessary qualifications for this job.” 

At the same time I’ve never felt more sympathetic for a zebra or a referee than in this picture.  Seriously look at him, he’s just doing his best to do a difficult job, which is probably made even harder by the fact horses don’t actually see very well, and everyone is booing him for his call.  It’s that tea falling down his cheek that totally sells this as well, though I have no idea how he’s blowing that whistle but then again I don’t know how he buttoned that shirt with hooves either so we’ll call that a wash. 

I told you the classic series loved their animals in human situations didn’t I?  Seriously, it’s kind of impressive that I’ve now featured gorillas playing baseball for two weeks in a row.  That’s actually not a huge surprise all things considered, DC lead editor at the time Julius Schwartz actually claimed to have sales data proving that comics with apes on the cover sold better than any other comic.  I’m not sure if that’s true or not but it certainly sounds accurate to Schwartz and the evidence pretty much speaks for itself.  As for this cover I think it might be even better than Wonder Woman’s gorilla baseball adventure last week, mainly because the gorilla is in motion this week rather than just playing as catcher. 

Any fool can just sit a monkey down to catch a ball but it takes true skill to convince a gorilla to both put on a baseball uniform and actually play baseball.  I actually think this gorilla might’ve had his intelligence increased in some manner because if you look at his face he knows exactly what he’s doing here.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a human with that much of a smug asshole grin, so it seems pretty clear cut that Gorilla knows exactly how many people’s days he’s probably ruining with his baseball skills. 

This cover comes from the ‘70s comic and it’s absolutely amazing.  I’ve mentioned before how the ‘70s was a time of major expansion for DC as they tried to offer more and more unique comic experiences that Marvel wasn’t affording readers and resurrecting Strange Sports Stories was one of their shorter lived attempts but still pretty amazing.  Firstly the situation of playing hockey on a giant ice island that’s just drifting down a river is already pretty crazy idea from the start but the fact this guy is actually playing hockey against some kind of goblin monster in the goalie position is just amazing.  I also seriously question the caption box’s claim that he’s wearing a “hockey-mask of death” as that is not at all a hockey mask, as far as I can tell he’s wearing some kind of latex Halloween skull mask. 

I think my favorite part of the visual though is that both players are wearing this gigantic gloves that look like superhero costumes.  I also wonder if the human hockey player chose to wear Christmas colors or if that was just a happy coincidence.  Also, the idea of some kind of space sheriff skiing his way across space is simply amazing and the visual of that macho cowboy guy completely exposed in the vacuum of space on skis is pretty incredible. 

Well this is certainly nightmarish.  That’s actually a major theme with the modern series, aside from the sleek and glossy coolness there was a big emphasis on being just as nightmarish as possible.  That’s because it came out not that long after Vertigo’s rebooted House of Secrets series which had made major waves using the same approach.  I think the creepiest thing about this cover is the robo-footballer’s face, which is twisted into a lipless rectus growl of nothing but teeth and hatred.  I also note the robo-footballer is wearing dog tags for some reason that eludes me.  I actually really like the visual design of his football jersey’s shoulders and the kind of leafy/chainmail type design that adds to this kind of creepy abandoned look to it. 

Overall the robo-footballer has a kind of Miyazaki vibe to it, like we assume the thing is playing football with a human skull because it killed that guy but there’s every possibility it was just stranded on this planet and that’s the only thing it could use as a ball.  The wear and tare on the uniform makes it look a lot like this thing has been abandoned here but that wouldn’t necessarily turn off its primary directive of playing football.  That kind of lurking mystery is a big part of what makes the cover as striking as it is. 

This is easily the most interesting game of golf ever played by humans.  I’ve always been weirdly fascinated by golf in that from the perspective of this outside it lacks the high intensity passion of football or baseball but also doesn’t have any of the creative or intelligent requirements of chess or the like.  It’s so weird and slow and fundamental game that so many of history’s most powerful men have completely obsessed over.  In any event this cover is pretty amazing.  The whole “lurking hand” thing is actually something of a throwback to the horror comics of the ‘50s but having it pop out of a golf hole is the perfect visualization of the ’70s reinvention of classic comic iconography. 

I really like the visualization of the hand as well, that blend of creepy monster skin with a kind of cloudy smoke.  I can’t think of a really good reason why a random golf course would have an demonic creature hiding in it but at the same time any explanation would probably just ruin it.  Also that extra story about some kind of sky-boat race sounds amazing even if the tiny panel size robs it of the kind of scope and grandeur it really deserves. 

I’m pretty sure this cover ranks as one of the all time greatest human achievements.  Firstly I absolutely love that the Satan they’ve got pitching in the world series actually has the full on cloven hooves and everything, which is honestly kind of shocking given how well he’s pitching right there.  I also really love that the Devil seems to be wearing a specially made baseball uniform with a pitchfork as his emblem; I assume he came to that decision after quite a bit of market testing.  Though as awesome as the devil pitching in the World Series is I think the bottom picture is even better.  Firstly I love that for the dynamite FIRST issue for this reboot series they decided “Hmm, we need a powerful sport for the cover, I know: bowling!” 

Not content with featuring bowling as their big draw they decided to get the gomliest looking little dude they could draw this side of Bilbo Baggins.  What I really love about this cover though are the spectators and the caption on the far left.  I really can’t imagine why those two groovy looking young people would be terrified that Tom Bombadil there is about to bowl another perfect game but they look horrified to a level I’ve never once seen in real life.  I also like how unaware the caption seems to be.  Like, gee I wonder what the secret of the perfect bowler who is also somehow smaller than a bowling ball is, maybe we should ask Satan. 

I think this might be the most violent “Talk to the hand” ever penned to paper by humans.  This is a pretty great cover all around, mainly thanks to that caption which always manages to frame the insanity of these covers in an all-new way.  Firstly the fact that the knights aren’t wearing gloves is kind of out there but even better is that the caption seems to suggest none of this was planned, like the knights just appeared on the football field out of the mists of time and started assaulting the player.  Actually no, I take that back, they didn’t start attacking everyone like you might expect, no they started playing savagely violent football because logic has no place in this story.  

I also like that they felt the embarrassing need to make the most obvious imaginable pun on this cover, seriously guys the visual gag was more than enough.  I also note the colorist seems to have messed upon the uniforms as the lead footballer getting slapped into next week is the only guy wearing a red and orange uniform while everyone else is sporting orange and yellow colors.  I also feel like every pole-vaulter is jumping over the Earth if you want to get technical but the image seems to imply he’s just pole-vaulting through the void with Earth as a stepping stone, which is admittedly impressive. 

If I may endeavor to answer the questions of this cover: the dinosaur is running in the race because of flagrant cheating, the karate match moved to the moon because it’s amazing, and the people playing tennis with a live grenade are a very unlucky pair.  In all honesty this is probably one of the fullest and coolest covers I’ve showcased on here.  I like how completely unrestrained the craziness of this cover is though the relatively short length of these kind of comics don’t really lend themselves to the developing this many stories in a complex manner. 

At the same time though covers like this amazing plethora of madness don’t really need complex development to be fun and amazing they can just exist as crazy weirdness that’s overall more fun to say or even speculate about rather than dive deep into.  Like I genuinely can’t imagine what kind of story would be more interesting or amazing than just the glorious image of a T-rex racing alongside a pack of racehorses.  Like there’s basically no context or explanation for why some random passers by ended up forced into a game of tennis with a grenade that could add anything to the pure idea of a game of tennis with a live hand grenade. 

Okay it’s not actually a Strange Sports Stories cover but this is actually one of the most iconic Superman covers of the ‘70s so it’d be a shame not to include it.  At the same time this comes from the same year Strange Sports Stories launched and honestly I get the connection.  The ‘70s were a weird period for comics and a big part of that was an overall retreat to the styles and affects of the ‘50s, repackaging them to fit better into the now dominate realm of superheroes.  This was the time that DC released a slew of fantasy, war, and horror comics but it also filtered into the superhero books of the time.  The visual of Superman being punched by a ghost football player is the perfect visualization of that idea. 

I think my favorite thing about this cover is the color dynamics at play here.  Firstly I have no idea what those big white blocks are supposed to be on the phantom Quarterback’s hands and feet but also I like that he’s clothed in the purple and green colors of basically every super villain.  Though what really sells this cover for me is the bright yellow sky background.  I have no idea why that’s the case but somehow it actually balances the books color palette perfectly. 

Oh good, more nightmare fuel.  I note that if this was just a freaky basketball player with a basketball for a head that wouldn’t be THAT terrifying as it’d just be the same visual design from the Basketball King from Regular Show.  What makes it just incredibly terrifying is that it’s holding its own head under his arm and it seems like his basketball head grew out of his decapitated body.  There’s also the weird blend of background and that overly large chair.  At first I assumed this being was just some creepy giant, which was terrifying in its own way, but I actually think it’s meant to be some kind of horrifying child of the basketball, which is even more terrifying.  I also like the creepy, cracked and broken cement block background.  I’m assuming this takes place at some kind of abandon gym and this is the last thing you see before they find your body.   

Well this is the most amazing superhero confrontation ever.  Seriously, if DC decided to make their Justice League movie just about the heroes of the DC universe lining up for a big baseball throw down with the injustice gang I would be 100% fine with that.  There are a lot of great things about this cover, mainly that they don’t seem to actually be on any kind of real baseball field because I’ve never seen a baseball diamond with that kind of dive way.  Conversely, I also note that the Justice League’s line-up for this play through is incredibly weird.  Some folks make sense like Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, that makes total sense, but on the flipside you’ve got Plastic Man and Kid Flash? 

Of course it’s not like the villain side of the line up is that much better, you know you’re running low on bad guys when you have to invite Chronos and Weather Wizard to the ball game.  Also, maybe I'm just slipping but I’m reasonably certain the red and white villain whose facing off with Black Canary isn’t a pre-existing character, just someone they made up for this ball game issue.  I think my favorite part though is that Uncle Sam is the referee for this game.  I don’t really think Uncle Sam would work as an impartial referee either given that he’s a heroic character but I guess they just couldn’t get anyone to step-up at the last minute. 

Fun fact: this is actually the cover that gave me the idea for this particular cover story.  It actually predates the Superman ‘Phantom Quarterback’ cover and has shown itself to be equally iconic in its own right and it’s easy to see why.  What really sells this cover for me is the caption that this is “the most amazing world’s series game ever played,” seeming to imply that this phantom team have been part of the baseball leagues for long enough and through enough games to actually reach this point.  Maybe, in this world, the idea of invisible weirdos playing baseball is just another mundane thing that everybody doesn’t bother with. 

It’d actually make some sense given that as cool as it is to be an invisible baseball player it’s not really that useful for playing baseball unless they were playing naked, which they thankfully aren’t.  Most of all this is just such an amazingly tight cover illustration.  Everything fits together perfectly, the stance and physicality of the main player, the detail of the crowds and the stands, even the smack on the ball, it’s all so incredibly crisp and well realized.  There’s a major tendency for people to only consider comics “art” based on their narratives and stories but we forget that the majority of what makes a comic great art is the great artwork.  


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