Panel Vision - Top 25 Super-Jerk Covers

Edited by Robert Beach

Earlier this week, Frank Miller released one of his first illustrations in a long time. Miller’s suffered a great loss of physical mobility in recent years, so the fact that he’s recovered enough to draw again should be a pretty major event. Unfortunately, his newest piece of art was 1. Linked to the upcoming Dark Knight: Master Race and 2. Kind of terrible. It’s a picture of the Atom getting punched into Space by the ugliest Superman you’ve ever seen complete with comically massive fists and a visibly outlined dick. 

At this point, “Frank Miller does kind of awful thing” is hardly news, but in the midst of the Internet all having a good laugh about #SuperJunk, Kurt Busiek raised the interesting point that Superman’s ugliness on the cover was intentional. It was an interesting argument, and even though I don’t fully agree or think the intentionality of the image makes up for the hilariously poor artwork, it did get people talking and thinking. Specifically, it go me thinking about all the great covers of Superman being an asshole…so that’s what we’re doing today.

25.

I absolutely love the smug look on Superman’s face on this cover. A lot of these covers usually were twists on what was happening in the book, usually with Superman being forced into evil action against his will, but expressions like that make it clear he’s still having a great time being an absolute monster. 

This one only ends up so high on the list because just not doing anything is actually one of the kinder acts of jackassery Superman has ever engaged in. I do especially like the speech balloons on the cover; that’s always a great trick. What I really love about this cover though is that Superman looks to be sitting on a fire hydrant; invulnerable or not, that’s got to be uncomfortable.  

24.

The number of Superman covers where he’s involved in abusing his alleged best friend Jimmy Olsen are frankly staggering. You start to wonder if Jimmy Olsen is like some kind of secret hero, existing as basically Superman’s stress ball. Without him, Superman would be venting his frustrations on the rest of humanity. 

I’m not even sure what my favorite part of this cover is. That Superman is forcing Jimmy into some kind of contest for almost certainly no reward; that he rounded up Aquaman for a desert contest; that he had to bring a pitcher of water with him to this random desert, or the bones of Superman’s previous victims in the background. 

23.

I’ve got a major soft spot in my heart for covers where Superman’s insane dickery seems to be removed from anything even close to logical sense, and this one comes pretty close to that category. I really like that he doesn’t say he has a GOOD reason for destroying all the world’s currency, just A reason. 

Probably that he hates humanity on some subconscious level. I also like the overall title “Midas of Metropolis” implying that he actually has the power to turn anything into money, but he is just choosing not to. My favorite part of the cover though is Lois Lane’s amazing cheetah/giraffe print dress. 

22.

Okay, this one is more of an artist’s mistake than malicious intentions from Superman, but I love the cover too much to let it go. Partially, this is the only cover I could find depicting Superman wrecking havoc on the bottle city of Kando. Something you’d think he’d do far more often given what a monster he is. 

What I really love about this cover is Superman’s bizarre expression. I think that was the artist attempting to depict “shock” or “sadness,” but it looks more like angry joy while mid-orgasm, and his weird shaky hands don’t help that visual. Also, if you try making that face yourself, you’ll find it is wholly unnatural. So yeah, even if this is supposed to be Superman looking shocked and horrified that he’s made himself into an endangered species, he looks more creepily pleased than remorseful.

21.

There is no part of this cover I don’t love.  It’s got speech balloons of which I’m a huge fan, but that’s merely the tip of the ridiculous iceberg. There’s Superman’s incredibly angry expression as he shovels hamburgers into his mouth at lightning speed. The giant pile of burgers laid at his feet. The fact that these “burgers” are just bread and meat. 

The gargantuan line of waitress bringing the burgers to Superman because he just refused to actually go to the restaurant, and the fact that the restaurant is so transparently McDonalds. I think the best part though is that, much like #25, Superman has a big problem with sitting in chairs. If you look, he’s not actually sitting on anything. he’s just squatting in front of a giant pile of burgers and shoveling them into his gaping maw at lightning speed. This would be downright terrifying if it wasn’t Superman doing it. 

20.

Even if this isn’t the best cover on this list, it’s probably my favorite. I have no idea why Superman and Batman are engaged in trying to win the love of Anne Hathaway’s character from Princess Diaries, but that certainly seems in line with their characters in the Silver Age. What I really love about this cover though is the goofily reverse expressions on Batman and Superman’s faces. 

Batman looks just so pleased to be handing the princess a sparkler he’s mistaken for a diamond, yet Superman couldn’t even be bothered to open his eyes for the occasion. You get the sense Superman doesn’t even want to impress the princess; he’s just doing this to ruin Batman’s chances at happiness. I mean, at this point in comics (Silver Age), Superman has three different girlfriends. Does he really need this princess woman too?

19.

I like to think that story was written as some weird sequel to cover #20 given they both seem to take place in the same quasi-medieval royal court. When I first saw this cover, I was tempted to assume this was just another case of Superman trying to ruin the lives of those closest to him, a fairly standard occurrence within his canon. But on closer inspection I think that’s just a fringe benefit. No, Superman seems way more into the idea of using Batman’s face for murder on this cover. This is also probably the angriest we’ve seen Superman since the burger gorge.

18.

Okay, this one is a bit of a tie, but given they’re both red kryptonite related, I’m going to allow it. These are probably the two most famous Red Kryptonite covers ever released, and you can tell why pretty easily. If I was really forced to choose, I’d probably say insect Superman is my favorite of the two. Firstly, there’s the very weird idea that ant-Superman can’t fly for some reason. Then there’s that hilarious pose he’s in, though what I really love about it is that no one seems at all concerned that these ants are giant. 

Like, Perry is concerned Superman is now part ant even if he wasn’t; The Daily Planet is still covered with giant fire ants, and that should be alarming. However, the second cover wins so many points for having the gall to actually lampshade what it’s a reference to.  Like it wasn’t enough that Superman was turned into a giant sized barbarian by the red kryptonite, Lois has to explicitly say he’s acting out King Kong.  I’m not sure that was necessary or helpful Lois but thanks for your contributions. 

17.

Well, this is certainly surreal.  Actually, the idea of Superman fighting his own alter-ego is a pretty solid concept and a fairly emblematic idea of the Bronze Age of comics. It was also one of the only great things about Superman 3 when Superman fought Clark Kent in a fairly well choreographed junkyard fight sequence. 

Regardless of the idea’s actual merit, this cover is ridiculous. Superman has a bad habit of lounging in the douchiest manner while he laughs at the death of his closest friends, and this is probably his most smug and punchable pose yet. In fact, he looks so self satisfied and cocky on this cover, you almost start to wonder if HE hired those goons to beat up Clark Kent just to put Clark in his place. Also, special points go to the goon on the left who hasn’t figured out how guns work.

16.

This is just cruel. There’s no conceivable order of events where this situation HAD to occur. You absolutely know that Superman and Batman are going out of their way to torture Robin. If anything, they’ve actually inconvenienced themselves further by not flying or taking the batmobile. 

There are almost undoubtedly dozens of crimes being committed at this very moment that will never be brought to justice because these two chuckleheads had to take an hour out of their schedule to torment an orphaned circus boy. I especially like that Batman looks just pleased about this reckless torture and physical abuse while Superman remains solid and stoic. Batman is enjoying the hell out of this abuse, yet Superman’s just back there thinking “you earned this, Robin.”

15.

This cover actually gets way funnier if you read Superman’s dialogue as condescendingly sarcastic. I like that dragging Jimmy to the jungle was Superman’s initial concept of a “practical joke." You get the distinct sense he just doesn’t really know how humans interact or what humor even is, and that his only metric for relationships comes from beating up death robots and outsmarting pan-dimensional hyperimps. 

In that respect, it makes sense that Superman seems to relate “antagonism” with “friendship,” because I have no idea why he put together this hilarious and undoubtedly racist fake marriage. I especially like Superman’s cheap headdress that he’s wearing to add to the “realism” of his role as local witch doctor. I also get the sense that “female King Kong” is about to savagely rip Jimmy to pieces in a second based on her expression.  I think my favorite part though is Superman also felt the need to go grab Jimmy’s then-girlfriend Lucy Lane to witness this unholy union because, again, he seems to have a very fractured understanding of what a joke is.

14.

There are quite a few covers where Superman takes over the world, but this is the one that makes the least sense and honestly has the worst artwork. I get the sense we’re supposed to be viewing Superman from a very low angle here. He’s the only thing in the picture being viewed from that direction. As a result, it looks less like Superman is simply planting his flag at UN plaza, and more like he’s slamming a giant flagpole into the ground, like the size of a redwood tree. 

I like the destroyed flagpoles in the background too, but what really sells this cover is the incredibly goofy dialogue balloons. I don’t really know how Superman put it together in his head that destroying the flags of others and planting his own at the UN would make him conqueror of the world. He seems really committed to this plan now. Even if his “dictator of Earth” scheme does have additional steps, his first step in taking over the world should not be “plant flag at the UN;” that’s like the last step in this process.

13.

I like how the caption panel promises a “guest-villain,” thus imply Superman is the star villain of this tale. Like so many of the covers on this list, what really sells this for me is the look on Superman’s face. That incredibly empty neutral mask he’s sporting for some reason. He looks like he genuinely has no idea what he’s doing.

Like his body is making the movements, but he sure isn’t grasping the meaning because, again, fighting evil is basically his only frame of reference for daily interactions, so in Superman’s world, this really is how people say “hi.” What really elevates this cover though is the Flash; he’s just so happy to see Superman. He’s got the biggest smile on his face, and he shouts his enthusiasm and is immediately rewarded with a super strong punch to the face. The essence of comedy right there.

12.

Now see, this is a Super-Dictator who has his priorities in order. First, conquer the world then mess about with enforcing stricter flag discipline.  I do like that he’s also chosen to just completely skip the step of “profit from my conquests” as he is clearly keeping those priceless gems in Krypto’s dog bowls. 

Overall, King Superman seems to be a little confused on what the trappings of success actually are. Like, he knows that leaders have chairs, hats, and flags, but doesn’t really comprehend what makes those things important. This is why he’s so weirdly fixated on getting everyone to use his really lame Superman flag, and why he choose to dress himself in a pope hat with a leopard-print cape. 

11.

Spoiler: Jimmy has to live in a slum because his life is a hellish nightmare because he had the misfortune to make friends with essentially a living God.  Seriously though I absolutely love this artist’s conception of what a slum is, mainly because I’m fairly certain Superman smashed that window himself.  I would also say this continues to prove my point about Superman not really grasping how basic level interactions take place as there’s really no amount of “mouthing off” that should land a person in a slum for life.  I mean, for all we know Jimmy could totally afford a nicer apartment with actual heat and no rats, it’s just that Superman is physically keeping him hostage here.  Much like the Robin cover you also really know Superman wants Jimmy to suffer based on his expression.  As far as he’s concerned Jimmy has totally earned every second in the hole he’s shoved him in.  I also really wonder what Jimmy Olsen, star photographer, is typing. 

10.

I get the sense “Great” had a very different meaning back when this was published. Also, yes, Lois Lane used to have her own comic. Even though she was billed as “Superman’s Girlfriend,” it’s actually a pretty great Silver Age book and, similarly to the original Supergirl comics, was one of the first attempts to blend comic book craziness with what were considered more girl-centric stories and ideas. 

This cover is just glorious by the way. Literally everything about it is amazing. Firstly, I like the implication that Lois married Superman, not Clark Kent, implying he really is leading a double life in their marriage just not the one she thinks. Also, I love that they felt the compelling need to dress up their baby as a mini-Superman for exactly no reason. But what I love most is the hilarious layout of their apartment: from bright yellow walls to that ground level safe that wasn’t hidden at all. It’s also kind of amazing that Superman keeps what seem to be full-on portraits of all his exs; that’s pretty creepy, though Lois’ hilariously antiquated insult are pretty great too. 

9.

I feel like this is one of those “Superman is an abusive monster to his friends” covers that every comic geek knows. Partially, it’s because this is one of the classic scenes recreated verbatim in Batman: The Brave and the Bold’s season 3 premiere episode ‘Battle of the Superheroes.’ Also, it’s so quintessential of the Silver Age.  

During the ‘50s and into the ‘60s, when superheroes were beginning to retake market dominance in the comic medium, the trend was to make the most outlandish and insane cover images possible, so shoppers would “have to read the full story.” That’s where a lot of these amazing covers come from, and this is the most pure example of it. I’ve never read the issue myself, but I like to think that Jimmy didn’t even want to be adopted; Superman just forced him into it, so he could have yet another way to ruin his “friend’s” life. Also, that stilted dialogue from Superman in the word balloons feels thoroughly emblematic of the Silver Age as well as being completely hilarious to speak out loud. 

8.

I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic when I say this is one of the greatest Superman related covers of all time.  There’s a ton of great stuff here, not least of which being the incredibly smug expressions on Superman and Lana Lang’s faces. Those two assholes know exactly what they’re doing; they’re basically just pointing and laughing at Lois shouting “HAHA, you’re old now!’ because they’re inhuman monsters.  

I also like that now that Lois is old she felt the need to dress like a stereotypical old lady from any given Scooby Doo episode. What I love most about the cover though is Lois’s thought balloon, and how her big problem is just “Damn it, now Lana will score with Superman.” There’s no concern over the fact she’s trapped in the body of a 90-year old or anything else; she’s just sad she can’t try to make it with the Man of Steel. Seems that no one in the Superman universe has their priorities in order. 

7.

I like to call this cover “The one where Superman just snaps already.”  I mean it’s honestly incredible isn’t it?  That Superman could go for so long working closely with these women and having them obsess over marrying him and have neither of them put it together he was mild mannered Clark Kent is just ludicrous. 

It’s like the full weight of it just hit him in this cover, and he couldn’t take it anymore. I especially like the caption box that’s just like “you wouldn’t fall for it would you?” I especially like that this is Superman pretty much just throwing up his hands and acknowledging he put exactly no effort into his secret identity, mainly because he didn’t have to; no effort was enough.

6.

All right, fair warning: these last 6 are all a bit more serious but still pretty great in their own way.  This ‘80s Action Comics cover comes to us courtesy of comics legend John Byrne who was the absolute master of walking the bizarre tight rope that was ‘80s Superman. At the time, DC had recently rebooted their universe and stripped Superman of his ludicrous power levels and a good chunk of his mythos. The idea being to start telling moderately more adult stories. 

Despite this, Byrne still ended up slipping a lot of ludicrous elements into his run with covers that felt like deliberate shout outs to the Silver Age aesthetic. This cover is a great example of the way Byrne would take a Silver Age concept: Superman beating up other heroes and make it kind of terrifying when viewed through an adult lens. That viscous smile betrays Superman’s complete lack of mercy or empathy for any of his victims, and the fact he actually ripped off Cyborg’s arm is pretty gruesome. What I really love though is the background character underneath that hilariously ‘60s giant arrow. 

5.

Pretty sure this is the darkest cover we’re going to see because well, I mean my God. Firstly, Superboy is leading children to a watery grave with what seems to be super music powers. That’d be pretty horrible right from the outset, but then you start to really look at the cover and realize "oh, no, it’s much worse than that." 

That line of children clearly stretches on for miles, which does make me wonder how they’re ALL under Superboy’s control. Then you start to look at his weird pan pipes and realize he’s not even playing them right, making it seem like these children are being compelled to a watery grave for some completely different reason that Superboy is just taking credit for, making him the laziest mass murderer in all of comics. Finally, you look at the title and see this is “camp bravo.” You start to wonder if Superman is trying to gleefully lead his fellow campers to death at which point you turn away from the abject horror of it all. 

4.

Another great example of stilted Silver Age dialogue that’s so great.  Again, this cover becomes even more hilarious if you read Superman’s dialogue as nonchalantly and flippantly as possible. He almost certainly treats this situation with the utmost casual dismissal. I especially like that hilariously goofy bullet thing he no doubt had to actually build for Supergirl. 

I do like to imagine him trying to herd her into it because it’s hard to imagine her getting into a giant, transparent bullet with handles, so Superman could fling her from the Earth after she committed some non-specific failure as a superhero. He didn’t even need two hands to throw her either; he’s just giving the gentlest toss imaginable, meaning that Supergirl is probably flying the thing herself just to humor her asshole cousin.

3.

Another John Byrne cover that, admittedly, isn’t showing Superman DOING anything awful but was too amazing to pass up. Like I mentioned, Byrne has this incredible knack for adopting the shock covers of the Silver Age for a more terrifying and mature story, and it doesn’t get any more terrifying than Superman dosed on Joker venom. 

DC has batted this particular idea around a couple times in the past, most recently during Scott Snyder’s ‘Endgame’ Batman story arc. It’s a great concept and decidedly terrifying, but I like that Byrne still managed to get some great goofy elements into the visual like the background made up of “HAHA” or the big, blocky question letters at the bottom of the page. Though the whole cover does kind of clash a little with the “who watches the watchmen” stamp in the left-hand corner, I guess we can’t have everything.

2.

I promised you there’d be more murder in this part of the list didn’t I?  This cover is so shockingly dark, even though it's hilariously goofy about its own darkness; it’s kind of a marvel. I like that Lois Lane was either already going into space for reasons undisclosed, or that Superman put together a small space pod to bring into space for his “perfect murder.”  Incidentally, the fact Lois is SO convinced snapping her air-hose in space is the perfect murder is one of the many things I love about this cover. 

How incredibly stilted her dialogue is and the fact that she’s saying it to no one.  Also, she may be claiming that Superman is killing her for refusing to marry him, but based on how incredibly happy he looks, I think it’s more likely he’s killing her to avoid marrying her. Seriously, I went through a huge number of classic Superman and Lois Lane covers to compile this list, and not once has he ever proposed marriage to her. I also like that little caption box in the bottom left “no witnesses in outer space!” as if the book expects us to see that and slap our heads in realization and amazement. Also, I don’t know where they are in the universe as I’m pretty sure science has yet to find purple space. 

1.

I don’t think there’s any nice way to say this: Superman is clearly a Nazi in this cover. That’s actually not that rare in the DC Canon given how long they’ve been going. Superman’s actually beaten up the actual Uncle Sam on two separate occasions. However, this is easily the best Nazi Superman cover; mainly because Superman hasn’t actually picked up any Nazi symbols. Stuff like Over-Man, the actual Nazi Superman, are all well and good, but they have to be handled with care because of their visual identity.  

Here though, you know that no one is taking this story seriously. That’s why they have Batman shouting at the reader while emphasizing random words in his sentence. I also like that Batman makes sure to identify this as the NEW Superman, like this is Superman-2 or something. Also, man, is the perspective wonky in this cover as, again, Superman seems to be a giant instead of just high up. I also like Wonder Woman’s angry fist shaking at Superman, though it comes off as less “fight the power” and more “get off my lawn.” Most of all though I like how cheeky this Nazi Superman visual is; it’s like the artists are making a deal with the reader. They’re basically saying “look we don’t want to get too serious with this but like; you know what this.”


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