And so we reach the final season in my X-Files episode guide.
This is the last season I watched through when I did my original sit
down with the X-Files, mainly because
after this things got really weird.
This is really the last season where you could count on finding the
Scully/Mulder versus monster of the week type episodes I really like, after
this the two got split and the episodes were far more conspiracy based.
However, this is still a superb season
with a ton of episodes I totally recommend, even if the actors are starting to
feel a little worn and sick of one another. I’m told that Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny had grown
perturbed with each other over the years of shooting, which is why season 8 had
them split up. I’m not sure if
that’s true but there is a degree of passive aggressiveness to their
performances this season that makes it seem plausible. Nothing major, just know what you’re
getting into before hand. With
that said, here’s your guide to The
X-Files season 7.
S7E3 Hungry
Aside from ‘Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man’ this episode
is the best use of reframing and making an “agents light” episode. Ironically the big reason for this was
that both Duchovny and Anderson were too busy shooting films to have much time
for filming. The story instead
revolves around Donald Pankow, a fast food worker obsessed with dieting culture
hiding a dark and violent secret.
What works so well about this is the perfect blend of writing for Pankow
with an incredible performance from Chasen Hampton. He’s such a subtle and tragic character it’s hard to not to
end up swept in his own story and struggle. This is one of the few times that you actually end up
rooting against the agents over how engrossed you are in the monster’s story
and that’s thanks entirely to the humanity Hampton infuses the part with. It’s a great testament to what the show
could accomplish when it broke out of the norm.
S7E4 Millennium
I’ll probably go over this in greater detail later but the X-Files had a sister show also created
by Chris Carter at the time called Millennium. It revolved around a retired FBI
profiler named Frank Black who had the ability to “see into the mind of a
killer.” It’s all very
quasi-psychic/Red Dragon-esc stuff
but works thanks to the lead performance of Lance Henriksen and the much darker
and harsher tone of story being told.
There were still supernatural elements but the real emphasis was on dark
and violent crime. The show ended
without a real resolution but this crossover episode serves as the capstone for
it, with Mulder seeking out Frank Black’s help to stop a group dedicated to
bringing about the apocalypse during the millennium. Don’t let the other show connection scare you, this is still
a perfectly fine stand alone episode full of zombies, millennium madness, and
even salt lines in case you’re a big Supernatural
fan. It’s a fun ride through
someone else style more than their continuity.
S7E5 Rush
This is one of the lesser episodes but it’s still a very
interesting watch. The story is
about a town in the middle of nowhere where a handful of kids have discovered a
cave that can give them super speed.
It’s an interesting premise and for the most part realizes the concept
very well. The super speed effects
aren’t quite up to par with say The Flash
but they work for the task required, essentially having the characters move so
fast there isn’t even any motion blur left behind. What really helps the episode stand out is how well it
blends the whole super-speed elements with teen stupidity and angst. There are better examples of this idea
but for something that’s essentially The
Lost Boys by way of Quicksilver instead of Dracula it’s a fun episode with
a lot of interesting ideas.
S7E6 The
Goldberg Variation
In case you’ve never heard of it before, the title is
referring to a Rube Goldberg machine, which is an incredibly elaborate device
full of a comic multitude of moving parts. You’ve most likely seen one in a cartoon where like an arrow
triggers a mousetrap that turns on the sink all to drop some cherries on the
floor or some nonsense. ‘The
Goldberg Variation’ is about a man whose plagued by incredible luck that takes
the form of real life Goldberg machines as the world contrives ridiculous
domino scenarios to get him out of trouble. It’s a really funny central idea that’s wonderfully executed
by the special effects team, especially given the complexity of the core
concept. It’s nice the show
doesn’t try to play this straight and the agents end up just as exasperated by
this nonsense as anyone else might be.
It’s a fun little time punctuated with some incredible effects
work.
S7E8 The
Amazing Maleeni
Here’s another comedy episode, but a stand out entry all the
same. This episode doesn’t really
have any supernatural elements to it and fits more into the vein of “weird
crime story,” like ‘Hell Money’ from season 3. The plot centers around a pair of feuding street/stage
magicians and an elaborate swirl of double crosses, con games, frame jobs, and
a bank robbery. Despite how
complex I made the plot sound just now it’s really not, for the most part
what’s happening is pretty clear and everything makes total sense by the
end. The episode is really just an
excuse for a lot of fun gags having to do with con games and stage magic while
the crew executes some pretty great practical effects work, save for an opening
effect which is the worst the show ever produced. Still, this is good fun and one of the better “stage
magician” type stories.
S7E9 Signs
and Wonders
‘Signs and Wonders’ is a lot like Kevin Smith’s film Red State only competent and well
produced. The story revolves
around a small Appalachian town and a sort of rivalry between the dusty
backwoods snake-handling preacher and a more modern and reformist priest. The feud between them turns deadly when
a practitioner who was going back and forth between the two ends up dead from a
massive snake attack. What makes
this episode so good is the ending twist of what’s really going on and its
commentary on the nature of faith, biblical interpretation, and the guise of
Satan. Admittedly, its conclusion
is a little off for this show given all it implies but it’s well executed and
sticks with you even if the unintentional message is a little eyebrow
raising. I don’t want to say much
more for fear of giving away the twist but as far as an excuse to throw the
agents into the backwoods and go up against a plethora of religious weirdness
and snakes this is a good episode, lurid and trashy in all the right ways.
S7E12 X-COPS
Technically, this is a crossover episode. In case you’ve never heard of it, COPS is a Fox show where a camera crew
would follow real police around during their shift. It was very successful in its day so X-Files decided on this incredible episode. The idea is that the agents are out
investigating some supernatural stuff when they’re come upon by the officers
and camera crew of a COPS episode in
the process of being filmed. That
essentially makes this a found footage X-Files
episode as the agents hunt down some kind of fear-beast while the camera crew
follows them and the street cops around.
I’m a big fan of Found Footage overall and this is a pretty good use of
it compared to some other shows attempts to slip into this genre. It doesn’t even feel forced that Mulder
insists the camera crew film everything because he’s always wanted visual
evidence of the paranormal and now’s his perfect chance to get it. If you aren’t bothered by the format
this is another great episode outside the show’s norm.
S7E13 First
Person Shooter
This episode is so stupid I absolutely love it. The plot is about a new virtual reality
video game system that’s basically the holodeck from Star Trek but a rogue killer AI in the form of a super deadly hot
chick is plaguing the program.
There is nothing about that plot that isn’t horribly outdated,
incredibly moronic, and god damn delightful. It’s like the whole episode is the most high stakes game of
laser tag ever played. I also like
that beyond the outward ridiculousness of a sentient enemy stalking the bastard
son of the virtual boy and laser tag there actually is a heart to the story
revolving around sexism and toxic masculinity infecting all aspects of gaming
culture and the development process.
It’s actually kind of freaky to see this aspects being brought up in a
show from the late ‘90s but they’re there and they make this episode shockingly
ahead of its time despite all the other stuff making it shockingly behind the
times. Still, this is a great
episode, especially given the finally features Scully loading up in laser gear
over her pants suit.
S7E14 Theef
This episode stars Billy Drago as the villain; that alone
should tell you how great it is.
Drago plays an Appalachian shaman or wizard or the like, come to San Francisco
to seek revenge on the doctor he blames for his daughter’s death. The deaths in this episode are down
right brutal and Drago’s near joyous delight at them is decidedly unnerving. His whole magic thing is pretty weird
too, sort of an Appalachian version of voodoo dolls that’s eerie and
memorable. There’s also a great
undercurrent about science vs. magic within the episode that sort of brings up
an interesting point. In the X-Files universe, magic totally exists
in a demonstrable way so the fact it’s not more wide spread is a little bizarre
in its own right. Drago’s whole
vendetta is based on the fact his magic could’ve saved his daughter and he’s
kind of exactly right. It’s a
weird idea and the whole episode really gets under your skin in a great
way.
S7E16 Chimera
Fair warning; don’t look for much sense or logic in this
one. The episode is another like
Folie A Deux where the monster of the week is a literal monster, one that
defies the normal slew of sci-fi or even supernatural explanations and must
simply be accepted as a monster, pure and simple. In this case, the creature is killing its way through
various residence of a Washington D.C. bedroom community in the week around
Easter Sunday. This episode serves
as a good “who done it” type set-up as it’s implied the monster is a person
sometimes or at the very least someone is behind its rampage but we don’t know
who till the very end. The
creature itself is wonderfully shot, usually shrouded in shadows and backlit
with this terrifying claws and stringy hair. It looks like a weird blend of the girl from The Grudge and Grendel from Beowulf, truly the stuff of
nightmares. Like I said, they
don’t really explain how the thing exists but between how scary it is and how
lurid and trashy the town’s mysteries are you don’t really end up caring.
S7E18 Brand
X
Fun fact: this episode stars Tobin Bell, Jigsaw from the Saw franchise, as the villain. The episode is a weird little ditty
surrounding around Morley, a fictional brand of cigarettes in the X-Files universe that are usually tied
to the Smoking Man but not in this case.
In this case, Morley is under investigation after a key witness who was
going to testify against them showed up dead, eaten out from the inside by
tobacco beetles. This is a gory
episode so be warned but a really good one all the same, thanks entirely to
Tobin Bell. Bell is a weird
presence as an actor but when he’s given room to breath and a character with a
real identity instead of just a placeholder role he always shines and this is
no exception. He’s almost like a
Spider-Man villain here, an ordinary crook who suddenly gets incredible powers
he plans to abuse as much as possible.
Between his central performance and the very creepy gore effects this is
good episode to make your skin crawl.
S7E19 Hollywood
A.D.
Another comedy episode and easily one of the most ridiculous
the show ever produced. The
opening story has the agents investigating a deceased artist who was producing
fake Christian works only to return from death. There’s a lot of circuitous nonsense in there with the dead
sea scrolls, fake gospels, the embodiment of Christ, and the Lazarus bowl but
none of it’s really important. The
case ends pretty abruptly with all parties dead and no one really satisfied. Then, a Hollywood producer buys the
rights to the case to turn it into a ridiculous blockbuster full of zombies,
killer priests, and hilarious “adaptations” of Mulder and Scully. It’s a brilliant parody of the show
overall and especially the idea of adaptations, the 2nd act where
the agents go to Hollywood to consult on the film is an absolute blast and the
final product is a great act of self-parody.
S7E20 Fight
Club
I don’t even know what to make of this one though I bet
nobody thought I’d recommend an X-Files
episode that had Kathy Griffin as a guest star. Griffin actually isn’t that bad in this episode, mainly
because the comedy aspects don’t revolve around her trying to be funny. The incredibly weird plot is about a
pair of women who are exact dopplegangers of each other so whenever they’re in
the same place everyone around them starts inexplicably beating each other to a
pulp. I have no idea how this
concept came about other than the writers just throwing up their hands and
shouting “WHATEVER!” but it’s a blast to watch regardless. Like a lot of season 7 there’s no real
logic to what’s happening outside the show’s internal momentum to tell a story
but there really doesn’t need to be.
It’s an episode that plays like a particularly incoherent Mad Libs but a
fun and unique one that you won’t see anywhere else.
No comments:
Post a Comment